


A Life Better in Color

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Series: Tumblr Prompts [68]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Character Death, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-09 20:49:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20516222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: When flowers are linked to the souls and the love between them, sometimes they tell a clearer story than the one we tell ourselves.





	A Life Better in Color

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: imagine if flowers are linked to souls and the love between them. They would become more colourful when their love goes stronger and weaken when they have a fight. And they become gray not cause their love is gone but cause the other died.
> 
> A/N - some of these scenes canonically have flowers in them, others I obviously inserted flowers for the sake of the story and moments I wanted to touch upon. I hope you enjoy!

Magnus knows what he feels for the Shadowhunter. It’s new, still fresh and uncertain, but it’s there. He grows much less uncertain when Alec lends his strength to him to heal Lucian. The trust that action takes on both of their parts, the bond it creates in that moment… Magnus isn’t surprised to see the vase of pink roses on the table grow a little brighter when Alec helps him up, and brighter still when Alec stays behind to help clean and share a drink. It’s small, barely a flicker, but it’s there. 

It’s a start. 

\---

It’s difficult for Magnus to get a read on Alexander (it isn’t as if the Institute is ripe with floral arrangements, they don’t quite fit the all-black, I-could-kill-you-in-my-sleep aesthetic) so Magnus starts slipping him flowers. Just one here and there, pressed into the autopsy report he hands to Alec in the training room or conjured up while Alec isn’t looking to slip into his quiver when they discuss ‘payment’ for his services during Lydia’s trial. When Magnus returns, inevitably called back for either official business or to bail Clarissa and the others out of whatever new trouble they find themselves in, he keeps his eyes peeled for them.   
  
When Alec knows to expect him Magnus sees them on the corner of a desk, or resting by a rack of weapons. One day Magnus gets a single small flower - a forget-me-not, likely picked from outside in haste out of convenience and not for any deeper meaning - pressed into his palm as he passes Alec in the hallway. Magnus checks it daily to make sure what he suspects Alec feels hasn’t grown any less (and secretly hoping it’s grown more). The steady sky blue is a comfort that this isn’t entirely unrequited despite outward appearances. Magnus knows it’s the most he’s going to get from the man who refuses to openly speak on anything he feels, and he decides that it’s enough to keep hope alive for both of them. 

For now.

\---

Alec arranges for the flowers at his wedding to Lydia to be white. It’s the safest bet - nothing to fade during his inevitable internal struggle throughout the ceremony. They color Lydia’s bouquet red artificially before she goes out - they both know that while they respect and consider the other a friend, there’s no true love there. This way there’s nothing to betray to the crowd watching that the smiles on their faces are anything other than genuine. 

Everything’s going according to plan until Magnus shows up. 

Alec isn’t sure what he’s going to do until Lydia says she understands. 

He tries not to notice the way the flowers behind her fade ever-so-slightly to a creamier off-white as he turns away from Lydia to face Magnus, but he can’t tear his eyes away from a small pot of white flowers by the door. They’re the only ones he personally helped with arranging when they arrived and he was keeping busy to distract himself - and as his lips meet Magnus’ the flowers shift from white to a brilliant shade of red that just so happens to match the highlights in Magnus’ hair. 

For the first time all day Alec smiles a genuine smile. 

\---

Magnus can handle Camille, but that isn’t the problem here. The problem is that he isn’t sure if  _ Alexander _ can handle Camille and all of the devious tricks and manipulation she’s perfected over the centuries. He gets a clear read on Alec’s annoyance as the Shadowhunter ignores the Camille-initiated kiss he walks in on and goes to find Clary. For a few seconds Magnus thinks that maybe it’ll be a non-issue until he remembers the flower Alec gave him on the table where he sat it down. 

It’s muted, no longer a vibrant red. 

Magnus excuses himself and catches up to Alec, who immediately insists he doesn’t care about whatever he saw back there. Magnus simply holds out the flower to him in silent question. The conversation that follows isn’t easy, but it’s necessary. Magnus knows the life he lives, and the years that come with it, isn’t easy. Part of him expects Alec to walk away and never look back but instead Magnus watches him relax at Magnus’ reassurances. By the end of their conversation the flower, while not as bright as it started out, is a little brighter than before. 

And so are the gleams in both of their eyes as they share a quick kiss before going to find Clary. 

\---

The longer Jace is gone the worse Alec spirals. It isn’t a fight so much as the simple fact that all of Alec’s love, all of his attention and thoughts and emotions, are entirely fixated on his missing parabatai. The colors drain around them and Magnus does his best not to take it personally. He cares about Alec, and Alec did break off his wedding to take a chance on him, but this is still new for both of them. He can’t imagine their budding romance would overpower the tumultuous fear Alec holds within him for the man who shares a part of his soul… but it still hurts to see a visual reminder of it at every turn. 

It certainly doesn’t help the blow of Alec’s harsh words when Magnus is unable to track Jace’s location. It wasn’t a fight before, but it becomes one now. 

When Alec comes to apologize he sets a small bundle of flowers on the table by the door. They’re a soft lilac in color, weak from the tension between them, the strain that Alec created by taking his frustrations out on Magnus. Alec isn’t sure Magnus will accept his apology… he isn’t sure he deserves to be forgiven. But he is, with the promise that he won’t push Magnus away again, and when Magnus walks Alec to the door a while later the flowers he finds there are a vibrant royal purple. 

\---

The thing that Magnus realizes over the following months with Alexander isn’t that his flowers fade the most while they’re in a fight or apart for long periods of time; it’s that they lose their color fastest when Alec is stuck inside his own head, convinced he doesn’t deserve the love he feels, and especially not the love he receives in return. 

It’s those days that the bouquet on Magnus’ coffee table, the one that Alec continually refreshes with flowers he picks up at a market stand that’s along the way from the Institute to the Loft, always looks too soft and delicate, the colors practically nonexistent. When he wakes up to see them that way he reaches out to Alexander immediately. Sometimes it works, but more often it doesn’t. 

Learning to give Alec space is one of the more difficult things Magnus has done in recent years, but he works on it. Unfortunately, Magnus gets plenty of opportunities to practice. 

\---

Alec, in all his life, has never seen colors as vibrant as the flowers around him after their first time. It isn’t simply the trust between them over the act of taking that next physical step, of letting his guard down enough to give himself over to someone else completely, but rather everything that happens around that moment which solidifies and strengthens the bond they share. It’s knowing Magnus feels just as vulnerable as he does and that the trust goes both ways. It’s seeing Magnus’ cat eyes and only becoming more infatuated, not scared away. It’s soft talks under golden sheets about fears and life and weaknesses. 

And Magnus, though the realization startles him straight down to his core, finds himself surrounded by the most dynamic colors in centuries, something he truly didn’t anticipate. Even with Etta there was always something small lingering in the back of their minds, something holding them back, something dulling Magnus’ world just a little. But not here, not now. He wonders if perhaps he’s grown too invested too quickly in Alexander Gideon Lightwood. Not that it matters, because he knows he’s too far gone to do anything about it now. 

It’s all they can do to embrace life in their kaleidoscope of growing love for as long as they can, because nothing perfect lasts forever.

\---

After Valentine’s attack the emotions of the Shadowhunters and Downworlders present are so strong that the flowers around the church can’t help but be affected. The sorrow there is so strong after so many lives are lost in the blink of an eye that the flowers around them have almost all gone grey in silent memoriam, matching the stone walls that surround them. 

The longer Alec searches, the longer he can’t find any sign of Magnus, the more terrified he becomes that those flowers mourn for his lover as well. 

When they finally reunite, with the fear that consumed their entire beings slowly replaced with the comfort of ‘I love you’s, a single flower on the path beside them comes back to life. 

\---

It takes a while for the colors to return to their life after Magnus gets his body back from Valentine. Magnus doesn’t blame Alec for what happend, not fully, but Alec can’t stop blaming himself and Magnus can’t help the instinct to flinch away from the hands so quick to bring him harm in that cell, from the authority so willing to authorize the use of an Agony rune on the body he was trapped in. 

But more than that, it’s the memories the Agony rune made Magnus relive, the ones he can’t shake which play out over and over again every time he closes his eyes. His mother taking her own life, his stepfather suffering at Magnus’ hands.

Both Magnus and Alexander each blame themselves, Magnus for allowing himself to be compromised and Alec for not believing Magnus sooner, and neither can fully love the other until they come to terms with this newfound hesitation between them. 

They never speak about it out loud but they throw away every flower in the house. It’s a dark enough time without the reminders. 

\---

It’s a strange feeling for Magnus to carry so much weight over the blackening petals of a rose from someone other than Alexander, but the longer he gives himself to debate over what to do about the Seelie Queen’s offer the more certain he becomes that he’s only stalling - he already knows what answer he has to give. 

He checks the rose frequently, wishing for more time, for the chance to find some way out of this that doesn’t involve choosing sides. But in the end he can’t be blamed for his decision- after all, it’s Alec’s deceit, Alec’s lack of transparency and broken trust which ultimately forces his hand. They’re leaders; they have to do what’s best for their people, and this is simply the way it has to be. 

...maybe they could believe that if the last flowers they gave to one another before walking away were faded and wilted. They are at the start: the stems weaken and bend over with the weight of the blooms whose colors dull to soft pastels. It might be enough to accept that this is it, except when Max needs help Magnus is there in the blink of an eye. Neither one of them can help the hope that rekindles and when they look again later the stems stand a little straighter, the colors a little brighter. 

It’s their first reassurance that there’s no actual love lost between them despite the situation driving them apart, and if there is it’s not a complete abandonment. There’s still something there. There’s still something to save. It’s the only thought that keeps Alec going despite Magnus’ insistence that he can’t be with Alec and be there for his people as well. It’s the only thing keeping Magnus going the longer he forces himself to stay away and the more clinical his interactions with Alec grow when they do cross paths. 

Magnus knows his all-or-nothing reaction of siding with the Seelie Queen is dramatic, and Alec knows that keeping the information about the soul sword from the Downworlders was wrong, but it’s too late to fix either decision now. 

Every time Magnus stands behind the Seelie Queen, emotionless, he comes back to an empty apartment that’s a little more dull than the last time he left it. When he greets Alec with ‘What do you want, Shadowhunter?’ before nearly slamming the door in his face Magnus can almost feel the life draining from the flowers on the table behind him. 

He’s losing Alexander and he knows it. After all, one can only hold on to hope for so long before they have to face the reality being presented to them, and Magnus is presenting a harsh one to the man he still loves. 

It isn’t until the threat to their world is gone that they realize the victory, however impressive, means nothing without having the other to share it with. 

The flowers Alec helps him pick out on their long walk home after an alleyway reconciliation are the most colorful Magnus has seen in days. 

\---

The immortality discussions between them are a trying time. Alec stays at the Institute to avoid a conversation he doesn’t know how to have. Magnus is too busy with clients to make social engagements with Alec and his family. They both know what’s going on but neither one of them knows how to fix it, not with words and not with actions, so they choose avoidance. Alec can feel his own insecurities draining the life from the flowers at his desk, just as they’re draining the life from the relationship he doesn’t know how to save. 

It isn’t until Jace’s life is on the line that they both admit they said things they regret. It should be enough, but it isn’t. Their relationship remains strained, a mixture of personal doubts and shaken beliefs over the idea that love may truly overcome everything else. After all, Clary’s love for Jace isn’t enough to save him any longer. Alec and Isabelle’s love for Jace isn’t enough for them to do what needs to be done in the depths of Jace’s mind. Worst of all, Alec’s love for Magnus isn’t enough to keep him from going to Edom to strike a deal with his father; in fact, it’s the very thing that sends him there. 

Faded flowers are all that greets Alec once the flames die out. Magnus is gone, and Alec is left to walk back out into the empty apartment and plan out his own worst-case scenario. 

\---

It’s the strangest phenomena when Magnus loses his magic. For the days of back-and-forth - of Magnus having no magic, and then Lorenzo’s borrowed magic, and then no magic again - it seems as if the flowers that surround them are as torn as the two men living such drastically shifting lives. From the Loft to the Institute, it’s the same: the flowers are all split very particularly down the middle. One half is bright, thriving, as if desperate to make up for the other sides which fade more and more even on the days when things seem okay, a clear sign that the appearances being put forward aren’t the whole truth. 

Their love for one another is strong, and there’s no doubting it even on the darkest days. But there’s a disconnect. Though Alec suspects something’s not right even as Magnus smiles and uses the magic his body rejects, and Alec’s only proof are the flowers throughout Magnus’ firm denials anything is amiss. Alec knows that something is wrong, but he doesn’t know that Magnus can only allow himself to embrace their love when he feels he’s deserving of it, only when he feels like himself. How can Alec know when Magnus covers it up so well with eyeliner smeared on like war paint and yellow magic that isn’t quite right as a shield against the emptiness he feels right down to his soul. 

And so the flowers split in equal halves, faded and bright, the lie and the truth, the dangerous line being walked by both of them between what’s real and what’s for show. 

They wonder how long they can hold together as two extremes desperately clinging together as one before they split down the middle, too. 

\---

There are no flowers in Maryse’s bookshop to give Magnus any indication that Alexander doesn’t mean every single word that leaves his lips that night. Magnus knows they’re true, he’s felt it in him ever since the moment Lorenzo took his magic back - he’s broken, useless, more of a burden than anyone would wish to keep around. Alec’s words confirm the suspicion Magnus had all along: that he would’ve been better of dying with the false magic at this fingertips than living an empty life without it. 

He has no home to return to, no way of knowing that every word Alec spoke was a lie to drive him away. Instead he wanders, lost and alone until a familiar pair of cat-eyes find him in the streets, while Alec returns back to the Institute and a balcony full of lifeless, drained roses where the red ones once stood. 

\---

Alec doesn’t know if it’s going to work but he forces Magnus to wait before going to Edom just one extra minute. He returns with the closest flower he could find: a red tulip. He doesn’t know how the rules apply across realms but he can only hope that the colors hold true no matter what the distance. He needs Magnus to know that he’s not alone there, that Alec’s love for him won’t fade over time, or distance, or anything else that may come between them. 

When Alec manages to find a way to rescue Magnus, arriving in Edom with the same yellow magic at his fingertips that nearly killed Magnus not too long ago, Magnus tells Alec that he never doubted him, not for a second. 

Very out of place in a realm of dirt and heat and ichor, a single red tulip sits on the seat of a throne, more vibrant than the day it arrived. 

\---

The day of the wedding the flowers around them are nearly blinding in their intensity. Knowing this would be the effect they intentionally chose ones which started on the dull side, but even so the way the flowers emboldened themselves as first Alexander, and then Magnus, walked down the aisle draws the eyes of everyone around them. If there’s any doubt that the love these two feel for one another grows stronger by the second that doubt is replaced by a brilliant assortment of colors growing brighter, bolder, with every second that passes during the ceremony. 

\---

They always knew there would come a day when the flowers on the table would turn gray. Neither of them liked to think about it but such is life, and the mortality of man is undeniable, so they do their best to come to terms with it and live with the looming inevitability. They, like most everyone around them, anticipate the day when Alec would end up very unwillingly leaving Magnus behind on this earth. 

No one anticipated that it would be the other way around. 

Alec is just coming home from a rather uneventful day full of meetings and playing nice to pass some amendments that are going to make a huge difference in the way implementing Downworld Cabinets across every country with an Institute will go over. It’s a big win for them, one he can’t wait to share with Magnus. Except Magnus isn’t home when Alec gets there, despite the fact that his last client meeting that day should’ve ended hours ago. 

That’s when Alec sees the note on the table.  _ ‘A friend in Marrakech needs help, last-minute emergency no time to explain. I’ll be late, call you later. Love you’.  _ Alec puts the note down and resigns himself to heating up leftovers instead of going out for a celebratory dinner. He’s in the kitchen no more than 10 minutes but when he comes back out the flowers on the table are fading. It happens so fast Alec barely processes it before his hands fall to his side and the plate spills to the floor, forgotten. It’s over almost as soon as it began: all six of the roses are gray. 

Alec looks around the room, desperate for any sign that this doesn’t mean what he knows it means, but the marigolds on the balcony (Magnus swore they were low maintenance enough even Alec couldn’t manage to kill them), the purple peonies they picked on their walk yesterday because it matched the highlights in his husband’s hair (Magnus had taken one and tucked it behind Alec’s ear before placing a kiss on his temple beside the fragrant bloom)… every single flower in their home has gone gray. 

Alec takes a rose from the table and walks to the sofa where he sits down and stares at it, unblinking. He doesn’t cry, the shock is too fresh and the disbelief still lingering - this is how Jace and Isabelle find him an hour later after a number of failed attempts to reach him. They take one look at the flower he holds and know that he  _ knows _ … and yet not having to break the worst of the news doesn’t make it any easier for them to tell him about the ambush Magnus managed to save several warlock children from, but not himself. It was quick, they promise Alec - Magnus didn’t suffer. 

The knowledge doesn’t help ease Alec’s own suffering, however. 

The longer Alec goes without crying the more concerned his family grows for him, and yet he doesn’t allow a single tear to fall until after they left (not for good, just to grab some things before returning to spend the night, refusing to leave him alone). He gets the worst of it out before they return but he can’t shut it off any longer: now that he acknowledges it, it’s like opening a floodgate of emotions. 

Alec is furious at Magnus for putting himself in danger, he’s proud of the selfless legacy his husband leaves behind, he’s filled with frustration and sorrow and love, and yet the flowers around him don’t brighten or pale to reflect anything he feels towards the man he’ll never get to say a proper goodbye to - they remain a final, resolute gray, because no amount of love or anger can change things now, or ever again. 

The need to stay busy is overwhelming but Alec is forced to take a personal leave, so he organizes the funeral instead. It isn’t in Alicante, though it could be - that was the sort of difference Magnus made in this world, the kind that would allow a Downworlder to be High Warlock of Alicante, the kind that would allow his funeral on Shadowhunter grounds if they so choose. 

Alec knows, and Catarina agrees, that it isn’t what Magnus would’ve wanted.

When all is said and done, Magnus is buried next to Ragnor, along with his box of mementos which Alec adds the omamori to before closing once and for all.

Alec doesn’t allow any flowers at the ceremony except the single grey rose he leaves behind. 

**Author's Note:**

> (Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com) and also on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/By_The_Angell)! <3 )


End file.
